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| This is a poem/song that I wrote when I was a junior in high school. I looked back at it and realized that it was, in fact, not half bad. Upon this realization, I for some reason decided to post it here. Don't ask questions, just read.
writers block, nothing to say
a blank hollow feeling upon me today
vintriliquist dummy but lacking a voice
who knew that silence could create such a noise
i yell what i can but it comes out a whisper
i scream but the sound doesnt carry a distance
you see my mouth moving but don't hear the words
if this is just one thing will it be my curse
stage fright, forgetting my lines
forgetting the rhythm, forgetting the rhymes
the audience staring with eyes bright and wide
they're searching for something, they're looking inside
the seem to see through me, straight through to the bone
mercury rising, from where is unknown
i say all my lines but they just keep on staring
they can't hear me over the silence that's blaring
stuttering, staggering and second guessing
not taking advantage of this given blessing
erasing the love, and yelling the hate
but no one wil hear me in this angry state
i hope i can write down the words that aren't found
retract the profound to create a good sound
there's love all around, we dont know what we're missing
so cut up the silence, open and listen
also, i decided that 5 of the best songs in recent years are:
weezer - only in dreams
the format - on your porch
boyz II men feat. Mariah Carey - one sweet day (acapella)
five iron frenzy - on distant shores
something corporate - konstantine
have a splendid day/night/evening/afternoon
the matt | | |
| My new favorite song:
You don't need me, you are perfect. It's true. But I have a love strong enough for you. If you were my wowman, and I was your man, I would love you as strong and as hard as I can. I'm an honest man, I make an honest wage. I dont have any treasures to get in my way. But if you were my woman, and I was your man, I'd give you my love, it's all that i have. I won't try to be something I aint. You can't trace my bloodline to princes or saints. If you were my woman and I was your man. I'd love you forever with all that I am. I'd love you as strong, as hard as I can. I'd give you my love it's all that I have.
Matt Wertz - Honest Man | | |
| It was a wintry sort of Tuesday and I'd opted for my University of Kansas letter jacket coupled with a nice ski hat atop my large, brain-holding of a cranium. My cheeks were rosey and I could tell the ladies thought I looked dashingly handsome and virile. I traipsed up the hill to Jayhawk Boulevard but not before I saw her. The one. The one with the golden mane. From afar, I did not recognize her due to the Jackie O glasses that adorned her angelic face. In an instant, I knew what must be done. As I approached her ever so casually, I body-slammed her, but somehow it transformed miraculously into an encompassing bear-hug. What an imbecile of a woman. She actually thought I wanted to embrace that hot body of hers? Aw heck nah! I was merely using her for practice because you see, I'm in training. I'm in training to be a professional body-slamma jamma. I slam bodies and hers was practice gone terribly wrong.
I was thirsty just now, so I drank 32 ounces of water.
That is all.
-M.S.B. | | |
| Since i am still stuck on my friendship ranting, here is a quick excerpt from seneca:
Epsitle on Friendship
It is your friend as you r write him down, that brought me your letter, and then you warn me not discuss you affairs with him freely because you yourself avoid doing so. In the same letter, then, you assert that the man is your friend and say that he is not. If you give that quite specific word its popular usage and call a man "friend" as we call all candidates for office "gentlemen", or greet men whose names slip us when we meet them as "my dear sir, "we shall let it pass. But if you think a man you do not trust as fully as you trust yourself is a friend, you are grievously mistaken and do not understand the meaning of true friendship.
Deliberate upon all questions with your friend, but first deliberate about him. After friendship there must be full trust, but before it , discretion. If you reverse Theophrastus' trust precept and assay the man you have loved instead of loving the man you have assayed, you put the cart before the horse and confuse the rules of social behavior. Think long whether a man should be admitted to your friendship, and when you have decided he should be, admit him with all your heart and speak with him as freely as with yourself. You should, of course, so live that you have no confidences you could not divulge even to an enemy; but because custom has made certain passages in a man's life secret, share your reflections and your anxieties with a friend. If you believe he is loyal you will make him so. Some people's fear of being deceived has taught men to deceive them; their suspicions give a license to injury. Why should I watch my words in the presence of my friend? Why should I not consider myself alone in his presence?
Some people give casual acquaintances full accounts of what ought to be confide only to friends and unload whatever is on their minds into any ears at all. Some, on the other hand, shrink from the privity of their dearest friends; they would not even trust themselves, if that we possible, but surpress their every confidence deep within them. Neither course is correct. Trusting everyone and trusting no one are both wrong, though I might say the one wrong is an excess of frankness and the other an excess of security.
Another reprehensible pair is the man who is never at ease and the man who is always at ease. Bustle is not briskness but the agitation of a turbulent mind. And disdaining all activity as a nuisance is not ease but enervation and inertia. Keep in mid the remark I read in Pomponius: "Some people have withdrawn to darkness so deep that they think anything in light is dim." The tow attitudes should temper one another: the easygoing man should act, the active man take it easy. Consult Nature: she will tell you that she created both day and night.
Farewell.
After reading this, i had to write a quick response to my feelings of it, so i thought i would share that with you as well. Some of it is BS to dramatize the paper, most if it is very real though.
Seneca on Friendship
For most of this paper I will be focusing on one main idea and thought. Seneca’s thought, and Epistle on friendship basically sums up my current idea of friendship; you should not spread yourself too thin. Within the last 3 years, I have moved three times. From the extreme liberal city of Boulder, Colorado to the small farming town of Stilwell, Kansas, and now to Lawrence (which really just wants to be Boulder!) When I lived in Boulder, and even in Stilwell, I thought that the most important thing was to get as many friends as possible. I figured that if I were to do that, then everyone would like me, I would always have something to do, etc etc. Basically I was a shallow idiot, but that is completely besides the point. We can go more into that later. Seneca says "If you think a man you do not fully trust as you trust yourself is a friend, you are grievously mistaken and do not understand the meaning of true friendship". When I left Boulder, I thought my presence, or lack there of would be mourned. I thought I was something special. I figured that without me, the school would probably fall into shambles, everyone would most likely become a drug addict, and because of all this they might erect a statue to tribute everything I did for the school (not literally, but you get the picture). In the first month of leaving, I got calls almost every day. After a month it slowed down to about every week. After another month, There were only two people I was still talking to. My friends Matt and Danielle. Danielle and I had dated for a while, and she was my first girlfriend, while Matt was simply my best friend.
The thing about ‘friends’ is that in order to have real friends, you need to invest time into them. If you have 400 ‘friends’, there is not enough time in a year to make a true relationship with all of them. You can’t have their back, and for certain they are not going to have yours. But if you have just a few friends, a few solid, real friends, you can really understand friendship. You don’t have to think twice about calling one of them up at 3:00am because you have had a crappy day, and you don’t have to think twice about their motives in the friendship. By the time I figured this out, I quit investing my life in building lots and lots of friends, and focused my time on being there for a select few. Once again as soon as I move to college, all the people that I had in my phone book were useless to me. There is only one person from my second high school that I still talk to. One friend. Before I even read Seneca, I was really evaluating my life and the things that were important to me. There is nothing wrong with getting to know a bunch of people, but until you dedicate yourself to something you are not going to get anywhere in life. When you are in school, you don’t take every single class available every semester, you would fail miserably in all of them. But if you just take 4 or 5 classes and dedicate yourself to them, you really might learn something. The same principle goes for friendship. There has to be a mutual trust, understanding and love to be able to look past the drama and the crap that life sometimes offers and see your friends for who they really are. Your friends should know everything about you, and you should know everything about your friends, which is another reason why pretending to have a bunch of friends would just be weird. Just think if you went around telling every single person all of your smut. That would be bad, by definition of course. After evaluation of my life, I have come to the conclusion that I have about 6 friends, 8 including my parents even though it is a different level of friendship. I have a lot of people in my life that I can have tons of fun with, and on a superficial level I can call my friends, but I have just a handful of real, initiate friends. These few are the people I can speak my mind to, without worrying what they will think about it. Like Seneca says "Why should I watch my words in the presence of my friend?" Simply put, there is no reason to. A friend will be your friend from the day the friendship starts until the day they die. Sometimes it may take something like moving to see who your real friends are. Sometimes it just takes a depression, or a real evaluation of your life. Most of the time, people will find out who their real friends are the hard way, but at least they will find out. At least they will know from that point on who they can rely on and trust. Without friendship we have nothing. It is not something to be taken lightly or to be taken for granted. It really is one of the best, most treasurable things in life and it isn’t to be done half-way. A real friendship is not 50%/50%. It is 100%/100%. It’s all or nothing. Its about finding the right person, and going all in. It may take me two pages to tell you how to do it, but Seneca basically sums it up; Think long whether a man should be admitted to your friendship, and when you have decided he should be, admit him with all your heart."
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| "Did you really leave me again? After all the seasons I spent waiting, watching out the window, listening at the door, waiting for the news of your return? for the news that you realized that someone important was waiting for you. A whole lifetime I've been waiting. I can't believe you're not coming back. I can't believe I'm supposed to stop waiting. I can't believe you left me again." - Kate Collins, Eulogy
How can people spread themselves so thin? How can you have so many friends? isnt a friend someone that you can rely on, day in and day out? Why do people pretend to be friends? Do they not realize that they are causing more pain in the long run?
It's all or nothing. | | |
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